asta notes:
I like the idea of a benignly evil antagonist, so to speak. I became so frustrated with Inik, and so angry with him. It was easy to sympathize with Emory. (by the way where does the name Inik come from? I have it in my big file of names I like for characters, and I'm wondering if it's from something?)
The introduction of Luie and Dallas was a bit confusing- I'd have liked more definitive descriptions early on so I could latch onto and care about their characters more effectively. I'm confused if they're friends of Emory's or what, and why they're there, and what the garage doors have to do with it.
I also did not have a clear picture of who Emory was, what he was leaving behind on Earth, why he was on this journey. The whole thing seemed to float a little bit in space.
I LOVED the horses' names, though. That's how you got me to care about them. FTL. Deep Space. Just all priceless.
So when they died I was sad. according to various etymology dictionaries, asta means either star, or east/sunrise/dawn. Did you mean to set such a hopeful tone through the title, to contrast the sad hopelessness of the situation? I liked it.
At the end I wanted to know if Inik was going to remain in charge of the colony or what. I wanted their small act of rebellion to mean more, I guess.
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